There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize