Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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