just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize