Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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