You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
