my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
