She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
