I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
