I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
