he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
