i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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