I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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