i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
whose ass print is on the piano?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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