before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
