Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
