I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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