i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
