god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
