You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
