Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
