i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
