Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize