You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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