somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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