I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
