he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
