if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh god it's open bar.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize