you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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