somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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