Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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