Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
