Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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