I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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