I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
