I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
