Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
