They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
