Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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