Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's blow job season.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
