I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
