so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
