I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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