He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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