Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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