Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
