i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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