So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
