I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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