I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Hippo gnu deer
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
