How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Apparently you make a good broom.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize