if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
