after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
