ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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