onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
