If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
