he thought i was a dude.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
