i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize