yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
