We need to rekindle our bromance
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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