at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize